u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
