Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
