peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
