this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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