Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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