I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
