I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
