Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
