I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
