Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
