so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want nice things and good sex
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
