he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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