Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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