you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
