there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
