I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
