I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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