If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
