living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
