just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
