i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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