Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
