just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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