i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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