I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just found a bag of teeth...
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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