You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
