He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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