Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
