just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
