When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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