I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
