Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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