I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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