every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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