I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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