PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She announced her abortion via fbk
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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