white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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