I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
