Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
