420 ftw
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
