I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
