Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
