I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she peed on how many people?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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