Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
