You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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