I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My bed smells like the plague
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
