ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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