hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
