i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
