i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
