Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
