summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
